How Do We See Ourselves?

When I moved into the flat where I currently live, my neighbours had a Bordeaux Mastiff — a dog of around 60 kilograms of pure muscle. She looked formidable. Powerful. The terror of everyone who didn't know just how calm and gentle she actually was.

Let's say her name was Delta.

One evening, I ran into my neighbour in the garden and said hello. I asked her, almost in passing, why she was standing outside alone. She told me that Delta had needed to go out, and so she had brought her, because at night she was too afraid to be in the garden by herself.

Was Delta afraid? Of someone? Of anyone?

I couldn't believe it.

And in that moment, something became very clear to me. It doesn't matter how others see us. What matters is how we see ourselves — and Delta, quite obviously, saw herself as neither powerful nor formidable.

I don't know what Delta could have done to improve her self-image, or how much it would have mattered in her life as a dog. But for us — for human beings — it matters enormously.

It matters how we see ourselves. How we experience ourselves. How much we believe in ourselves. How much confidence we carry into our work, into our relationships. How important or unimportant, successful or unsuccessful, we consider ourselves to be.

And most fundamentally of all, how much we accept and love ourselves.

This will not only shape our professional and personal lives. It will determine the most important thing of all: how we feel in life. How happy we are. How much joy we breathe into each day — because in the end, that is what life is made of.

Where Does Our Self-Image Come From?

Our image of ourselves forms unconsciously, during the earliest stages of development — when we are most easily influenced — shaped by every experience we have and every interaction with the people around us, particularly our parents.

Once formed, that image is — again, unconsciously — confirmed again and again, every single day, through each of our choices and actions. It quietly determines our lives and our future, both personally and professionally.

Here are a few of Maria Montessori's reflections on raising children — on the period in which a child forms their image of the world, and of themselves within it:

If a child is frequently scolded, they learn to judge others. If a child is met with hostility, they learn to fight. If a child is often ridiculed, they become shy. If a child is repeatedly told "you should be ashamed of yourself", they learn to feel guilty — always.

Now think back. How many times, as a child, did you hear words like:

"Shame on you." "How could you do that?" "I expected better from you." "You're stupid." "You don't deserve anything."

The words we heard as children become our inner voices — the ones we silently direct at ourselves, often without even realising it. And those voices are genuinely difficult to transform into something positive without help.

The words themselves may change. But their vibration remains — embedded as false and negative beliefs about who we are:

I'm not good enough. It's my fault. I'm afraid. I'm ashamed. I'll never succeed. What will people think of me? Nobody loves me. I have no luck. I don't deserve better.

When we see ourselves through that lens — when we have already condemned ourselves — what can we truly expect from others, or from life?

The Good News

These messages — the ones coded, as it were, into guaranteed failure — can be changed. That is the good news.

Within our minds, there are infinite possibilities for our own reality. Whichever we choose, it will become true. If we choose sadness, loneliness, rejection — that will be our reality. If we choose genuine self-confidence, courage, joy and inner peace, our minds will support that with equal conviction.

We are always successful in our thoughts, whatever those thoughts may be.

Given that we have a choice, it would be worth choosing the option that strengthens us. The one that is good for us. And if we cannot do that alone, we can seek support — because the process of change is sometimes long, and sometimes painful. Having guidance and encouragement along the way makes all the difference.

A New Place to Exist

Once you align your self-image with your true sense of meaning and purpose — once you accept how extraordinary you are, regardless of your past and everything that troubles you day to day — your reality becomes an entirely new place.

A place of possibility. And of joy.

-Vedrana